So my friend suggested that I make a Will in case anything happens to me that makes me die or something. Like a car crash. Although a car crash in LA wouldn’t be too bad cause no one drives faster than 15mph. And at least a car crash would move me forward an inch on the 405.
Anyway, I’m broke. So a Will is stupid. This is what my Will would look like if I made it today. Enjoy…
The Last Will and Testament of Daniel C. Borrelli
To my sister, I leave you my 96 Honda Accord. We have always shared an affinity for classic cars and since you live in New Jersey this is actually probably worth something. If not for the fact that you can melt down the parts and sell the metal to a warehouse where four guys in their forties named Anthony sit around and talk about Bon Jovi.
To my cousin Cameron, I leave you nothing because you are in jail and if I give you anything you will just use it as a reminder to take revenge on whoever wronged me when you get out because as children we used to watch Con Air a lot.
To my other cousin Anthony, I leave you my Bon Jovi Box Set.
To my girlfriend Lisa, I leave you everything except for my computer. This includes a shelf of books, all of which I have not read but have started reading. Hence the book marks in each of them, cause god forbid I pick one up for the first time in five years and have to start over because I didn’t remind myself I stopped on page twelve of the prologue.
To my friend Kevin, I leave you my computer. Erase all the porn then give it to Lisa.
And lastly, to my parents, I leave you my sincerest apologies. I should have gone to Law School. My bad. I also leave you my student loans and the keys to my inflated sense of self-worth…thanks dad.
